Must have just been a military thing.
You see, when you have a recalcitrant underling who has pushed your buttons one too many times, has been belligerent and bellicose, insubordinate, and just generally a pain in the hind-quarters, you get to the point where SOMETHING needs to be done.
But you don't want to deal with all that paperwork for a court martial, or even administrative punishment (which requires that you bring the Colonel into the whole mess, and THAT is to be avoided if possible). It's best to handle these sorts of things "in-house" so to speak, and the only REALLY effective method for some of the lunkheads you get in the service is a thorough drubbing, at least a medium set of lumps.
But YOU also want to avoid the stockade as well, and it all has to be done in such a fashion as to have witnesses who can swear truthfully that THE SUBORDINATE STARTED IT!
So, what you do is first, make sure there are witnesses who can SEE but not HEAR what is going on with you and your problem child. You also need a broom. A plain old corn-broom, bristles on one end, idiot on the other.
You take your pet peeve over to one corner of the largish area where you have your witnesses. (They of course need to know nothing about this, and the less they actually do know the better for you anyway.) Where no-one can actually hear you, you explain to the idiot in question that there is to be a general housecleaning, and you hand him/her the broom which you brought, ever so thoughtfully and as prepared for every eventuality as you are, being a good and thorough-going non-com-poop....
Start by pointing out that the clean-up needs to be done soon, there might be an inspection, and it has to be top to bottom thorough. Tell them to start literally at the top, take the broom and get the cobwebs out of the corners and edges of the room up by the ceiling. You need to be earnest and as sincere here as you can, for the benefit of the on-lookers who will be backing you up very shortly.
Just as soon as the broom gets raised upwards to get those cobwebs, and I mean JUST as soon as it goes up, you
lay the sucker out with the best punch you've got.
I mean, start down around your knees, bring that uppercut into the jaw, and aim for MARS on the follow-through. Go for the button, and try your best to lift them RIGHT OFF THE FLOOR.
As they crash down at your feet, LOUDLY announce to the witnesses that, "You saw him! He was going to hit me with that broom! And all I asked him to do was sweep up a little, it's HIS turn to do the sweeping!"
You are now the proud owner of a set of witnesses and of a slightly-concussed dingbat, to whom you can show leniency (if they as you hope stop with the belligerent and insubordinate behaviour) or have them locked up and shipped out, hopefully completely out of the service but at LEAST out of your hair for good, if they continue to make a stink.
You've also proved to them that they can't out-evil ol' Sarge, not only is he one sneaky sum-buck, but he's got a heck of a punch on him.
It's only a useful technique in a limited number of cases, but it can be quite successful if applied correctly to the right idiot. |
