If you're already prepared to do nothing but make random grunty noises, then start making them to Nine Inch Nails' "Closer".
"I want to Baa-aaa-aaa-aa you like an animal.
I want to MOOOOOooooOOO you from the inside out.
I want to !BARK! you like an animal..."
*Cough*
Or just record yourself grunting at random for about two minutes, and play the recording back to her while you quietly set the phone down & walk away.
Check back every few minutes, say something meaningless, and start the playback all over again.
Play, Leave, Return, "Oh really?", Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
=-)p
As for the email, those are too easy to deal with.
Tell $Relative1 $Version1, $R2 $V2, $R3 $V3, etc.
Open a text file & keep track of which $R got which $V, so you can keep a straight face.
If mom asks you about $V2, you know it originated from $R2, and you can use that to your advantage later.
Edit $V2 just a *teeeensy* bit, and tell mom that $R2 must have heard you wrong.
"NoNoNo, I said it was my BLUE shoes, not the red ones, and I found five dollars, not lost it."
Then mom will get back with $R2 to ask WTF, and $R2 will quote/forward the entire message to her.
At which point you claim they BOTH have it wrong, and make yet another change to the story.
"I said my GREEN shoes, and I wanted to borrow z$5 from you."
Keep it up until they can't figure out whom has said what to whom, what's true or false, and it's easier just to stop including you in the CC list anymore.
The trick is keeping track of $R & $V, so you know which version(s) went to which relative(s), and never use the same version twice.
=-D |
