"I wish I was a good enough person..." There is your problem.
Sweet, you ARE a good enough person. PERIOD. So what, you have a irrational fear of some flying insects. We all have at least one irrational fear. *at least* one.
I choose to read that line as: "I wish I could..." because I know I'm a good person, and I'm probably the evilest one here. I'm a Christian who on the day he meets his God will question him: Why am I worthy of your forgiveness and Lucifer isn't. Yes, I plan to advocate for the Devil.
I'm beginning to think maybe you are too hard on yourself, or someone has convinced you you can do no good, and maybe, just maybe, that is the root of your problem.
Your spirit can not be fulfilled if your mind is actively working against it.
You are a good person, know that in your heart and cast away any doubts you or others may have instilled within you. You may have made mistakes in your past, we all have. ...but there comes a time when reflecting on ones past is more detrimental than self serving.
Reflect, Learn, then move on. If you find yourself making the same mistakes, reflect again but from a different perspective, learn, and move on.
There is an old prayer you may need to be reminded of. Since you don't beleive in a god, we will leave that word out, but the rest still applies 100% to you and everyone else on this planet:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
There's also a very positive quote from Gangster Rapper Ice-T I want you to hear, It is *TRUTH*: "The mind has the power to control all, think positive and you'll be unable to fall." He also says something else I believe in: "No religion is more powerful than your own spirit and determination."
:) Feel better. It's not you, and while we all say you need to walk your own path, we will not leave you to do it alone.
*promise*.
|
