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Open marriage vs divorce | by plum_geeky | 2010-04-23 13:16:48 |
| well |
by AprylMae |
2010-04-23 15:12:43 |
I have an open marriage. So I am fairly qualified here.
We rarely ever (either of us) act on the open part, but it is there. I would rather have sex with my husband than anyone else. That does not mean I don't ever want to have sex with anyone else.
This type of arrangement is NOT for everyone. It also does not mean we don't love each other and are not "faithful" to each other. It means we have a different definition of what counts as faithful than many other people do. We are completely honest with each other about it and make sure it is clear that we might be considering having sex with $otherPerson BEFORE we do so. And we are both able to separate sex and love. I love my husband. I can have sex with other people without risking my marriage.
We are also clear on the rule that we have "veto power". If for some reason, there is a particular person that I don't want my husband to have sex with or a person he does not want me to have sex with, we tell each other, and that person is NOT an option. Sleeping with that person would be cheating because it goes against our agreement.
Another very important rule is that if we are with someone besides each other, protection is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS used. No exceptions. Not using protection is very much in the category of what we consider "unfaithful".
Also, for an open marriage to work, the option to have sex with someone else if you choose needs to apply to BOTH spouses. Not just "Hubby can go sleep with others, but Wifey can't." I've known people who tried that. It is not an equal relationship that way. If only one of you is "allowed" to have sex with others, it leads to jealousy. Jealousy does not work in a marriage. It also leads to anger and resentment. Not good for a marriage either.
Hubby and I agreed about the open relationship long before we ever got married. Part of the reason for I agreed (and he asked me what I thought about it in the first place and we discussed it for quite extensively before we decided for sure) is that he has known from the night we met that I am bisexual. Also his libido is much lower than mine. But it is not one sided. Since we have been married, I have had sex with 3 people besides my husband. He has slept with 2 besides me.
But this arrangement is certainly not for everyone.
And from the sounds of it, it is certainly not for you. An open marriage is not a way to fix existing marital problems. It's the type of thing that needs to be decided when the relationship is doing well. Not when it is already in trouble. Because an open marriage requires a great deal of trust. It requires a strong relationship to start with or it does not work.
My husband and I have our problems. Sometimes I am not sure out marriage will make it. But our decision to have an open marriage does not affect the problems we have. |
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[ Reply ] |
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I think you touched on a key part here... | by Nashville | 2010-04-23 16:24:41 |
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Great comments. (n/t) | by vampire | 2010-04-23 21:24:46 |
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