Yesterday's thread about bullying got me thinking.
(Rereading this just before I post it, I see how it could come across less positively than I mean it, so let me say up front that I intend this in a positive "Hey -- The light went on!" sort of way, not a negative "Woe is me" sort of way, in case there's any confusion. :-) )
I went (in the late 1960's and early 1970's) to an "enlightened" school system that operated on a hybrid system of "zero tolerance" and "boys will be boys - just tough it out".
The very small handful of times I tried to defend myself and stop being beaten up by bullies, I got punished "for fighting", aka, having the ever-lovin' snot beaten out of me by a group of sniggering, knuckle-dragging troglodytes at least once a week.
They, of course, never got in trouble for beating me up because there was always a group of them and, "We didn't see nuthin'... *snigger*snigger*."
What I "learned", deeply and viscerally, was that grownups were amazingly uncaring and cruel, and that I was on my own. Nobody *ever* stood up for me or defended me. I would get in trouble for trying to get an adult to escort me off the school grounds where five of the troglodytes were out there waiting for me to leave.
I was a pacifist at the time, believing that all violence was bad. Because I was a pacifist, I wouldn't fight back. What I realized later was that this taught everybody very quickly that, *because* I wouldn't fight back, *anybody* could beat me up. And so they did.
I was an easy, safe target. This went on for years.
One day in high school, something went *ding*, and I realized that until/unless *I* did something about it, this would continue unabated forever.
I made a decision to start studying martial arts the summer I turned 15. And suddenly, amazingly, without me actually *doing* anything yet, people started leaving me alone. I hadn't studied but a couple of months (and that out of a book), but something about me had changed, and I wasn't an easy target anymore. Was in *one* fight after that, in my Junior year in High School (a draw -- Coach broke it up before either of us really got started. But the look on his face when he suddenly realized I was going to stand up to him and fight back was *priceless*), and that was it. Haven't been in a fight (out of anger, anyway) since.
I'm still mostly a pacifist, in that I believe violence is bad. But using a little violence, applied tactically to prevent a greater, more unjust violence, particularly against someone who can't defend themself? Definitely fine with me. Pacifism (wherever practically possible) is a great ideal, but not getting the snot beat out of you (or letting someone else get the snot beat out of them) is more important.
If I can avoid fighting, I will. But while I won't choose to start a fight if there's any other practical, safe way to avoid one, I will cheerfully *end* one, every time. :-)
(A former girlfriend many years ago made me up a button: In really big letters you could read from across the room, it said, "I Don't Like Violence." Underneath that, in much smaller letters you basically had to be within arms reach to read it said, "But I'm *Very* Good At It!" :-)) )
Ultimately ended up with a 3rd degree in Isshinryu Karate, various cross training in Aikido and Jujitsu, a litle Escrima and a love of tactical pistol and rifle work. Hmmm. Wonder why? :-)
After years of percolation, I finally was able to distill one of my major driving motivators (something that sets me off to this day) down to three words: Abuse of Power.
I *hate* people who abuse their power on people (especially children) who can't fight back or defend themselves, and actively fight against it wherever I can.
Bullies bug me a lot, but what bugs me more is adults that won't/don't deal with bullying behavior when they see it going on. (And just to stir the pot, did you know that most bullies are, themselves, being bullied by someone further up their own food chain? So as much as you wanna smack 'em, realize they need help, too. Stomp on their behavior, but don't stomp on them -- Someone else is already doing that.)
So.... There you have it. Not sure what popped all that up, but wanted to share it -- There you go. :-)
Closing quote: The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. -- Abigail Van Buren
And now, off to work! Have a great day!
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