Go to your local "Adult Toy" / "Marital Aid" store.
Go find the strangest, mind-boggling, knobby, bendy, twisty, vibrating, BIZARRE *toys* you can find.
Like, for instance, the wind-up, walking/hopping p5's; the wind-up "chattering" v6's; the pencil-topper b6's & p5's; the "what to do" dice; the crazy straws with p5 & b6 drinking tips; the glow-in-the-dark body paint; the "for Lovers" card games; the "spin the spinner & do the action indicated" games; the "for couples" underwear; the hair-band/springy-antennae, p5's & b6's that are SO silly to look at you end up laughing despite yourself; the squeaky bedroom slippers with light-up n6-bits; "Bachelorette Gag Gifts", etc...
Fill a hand basket with silly toys (I mean toys, not *ahem* "Toys") that will make her laugh, smile, blush, and hide the entire box of gifts from everyone that doesn't know she's secretly a Freak at heart.
Buy her an inflatable, sand-in-the-bottom, child's punch-the-Clown.
Buy an extra-large assortment of batteries in all the popular sizes.
Buy her various scents/flavours of oils, rubs, creams, gels, jellies, & luby-schtuff.
(They often sell them in tiny "Try Me!" sizes, and those are GREAT for getting "one of each kind".)
Get some of the silliest, corniest, most laugh-inducing n6-pasties you can find.
Add in a bunch of cans of Silly String.
A few cans of Aerosol-Cheese-In-A-Can.
An extra-large, water-proof, oil-proof, tarp.
A classic TWISTER game.
Then go to Michael's (an art's & craft's store), buy a gift certificate, and a pretty card.
Wrap everything except the card & GC into a big box.
Be sure to put the Tarp on *top* of everything inside the box.
Include a copy of the Kama Sutra, & lay it neatly on top of the tarp.
Seal it up with some pretty wrapping paper, some ribbon, and a bright bow.
Sign the card, seal it, & tape it to the top of the present.
Leave it on her kitchen table.
The outside of the card has a bouquet of roses & a caption "Dear Mom. You've always inspired me to be creative..."
The inside of the card has a picture of M.C. Escher's "Relativity" & the caption "It's Pay-Back Time!"
If Mom forgets THIS year's gift, I swear I'll just stop buying her anything at all...
=)P Hehehehehehe |
