WASHINGTON (AP) - The authorities are looking for a young rat-loving lesbian woman, who is suspected to favor very short names on Internet forums, in connection with a possible conspiracy involving selling secrets about formerly top secret operation Ankle-Panties to the Spanish.
The operation, spearheaded by the Pentagon's office of Long-John Affairs, involves using psychological warfare to force southwestern Europeans to begin wearing undergarments around their ankles. The ultimate motivation of accomplishing this is still unknown, and the White House refuses to comment.
"Spain's refusal to abide by our international agreements regarding underclothing is troubling on many levels, and poses a danger to our national security," President Obama said today, speaking from Camp David, where he is rumored to be meeting with representatives from Fruit of the Loom, Hanes, and Jockey. "But I can assure our other European allies, whether they wear thongs, boxers, briefs, or those hideous granny things, that we stand firm on the side of democracy and freedom of underwear."
It was not clear what agreement the President was referring to, but in response to a follow-up question, he did indicate that he was wearing maroon boxers with little pictures of Hillary Clinton's face all over them. This was apparently a precondition of her becoming Secretary of State. |
