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Long distance relationships? by etwas_egal2007-09-23 20:21:07
  It's hard. But not impossible. by purplepineapple 2007-09-23 21:05:53
I've been in long-distance relationships 3 times: Sydney/England, Sydney/Colorado and east/west coasts of Australia. All three have eventually failed, and in the first two cases I believe they failed for the same reason.

Here's my theory: no matter how hard you both try to present your true self over the internets, you're never going to succeed in getting to know each other in the same complete manner that you do when you're dating in person. Even when the distance is occasionally broken with visits to each other, you're still not getting the chance to live together through the nitty-gritty of life. In a "normal" distance relationship, that kind of adjustment takes place naturally as the couple progresses through dating-serious relationship-marriage/cohabiting.

So what can happen (and I believe happened in both my first two LD relationships) is that the people fall in love with someone who doesn't quite exist... And when the time comes that you ARE together in the same location permanently, it can be incredibly hard to reconcile the facts with the image you have in your head.

This means that my overall advice is this: when the time comes that you ARE together permanently, take things slowly. Spend time on good old fashioned dating, and get used to being physically present with each other. Don't move in together/marry straight away, if you can at all help it. Put the effort in mutually to establish your relationship IN PERSON.

I once discussed this with my mom (30+? years of marriage) and we agreed that the change from a LD relationship to In Person is similar to the change from dating to marriage. The couple have to be prepared for adjustments. If you go into it with an open mind and aware of the pitfalls, I still have complete belief that LD distance relationships can and DO work.
[ Reply ]
    Lava pit number one identified! by etwas_egal2007-09-23 21:21:56
      Sure! by purplepineapple2007-09-23 21:29:51
        Pardon the expression, but ***OMG!*** by etwas_egal2007-09-23 22:19:41
          I'm giving you two thumbs up by purplepineapple2007-09-23 22:26:22
          The MAIN pitfall, the one with not just lava by Havoc2007-09-24 05:27:55
            And that one kept me out, until it went away... by etwas_egal2007-09-24 07:26:48

 

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