This made me LOL:
Girlfriend: "What's that thing you're working on?"
Paco: "I'm arranging our technician numbers in this spreadsheet so I can more easily enter sales numbers."
Girlfriend: "Oh, okay. What's this number?"
Paco: "I dunno."
GF: "Oh. How about this column? What's that signify?"
Paco: "Not a clue."
GF: "How about this series of numbers?"
Paco: "Greek to me."
GF: "Uh, how about this entry? What effect will your numbers have on this result?"
Paco: "I think it foretells the date of the heat death of the universe in a calendar system based on a system of six stars suspended in a rosette orbit around each other, wherein each number in this column represents the approximate number of days a given planet in the systems takes to complete orbits of each independent star before returning to its point of origin. Because of the complexity of the calendar, we shall have to spend many years and take many measurements of the system to begin to understand the complex orbital mechanics and how that may influence the inhabitants time-counting system, especially when the stars begin expanding in a few billion years. The results here are just a quick and dirty guess."
GF: "... what?"
Paco: "Sounds better than 'I don't know', doesn't it?"
GF: "uh... huh."
Paco: "On the other hand, my calculations show that the death will occur in approximately 255,000 dollars. Which is unusual, as we use dollars to express money, not time. This will lead to great misunderstandings and possible economic collapse, thus resulting in a war in which we toss stabilized superdense matter into one of the stars to try to collapse it into a white dwarf and destroy the system, in which case the universe will not care and we will all be sentenced to assimilation among the care bears so that we may learn the joys of NOT sharing."
GF: "Are you okay?"
Paco: "What's WRONG with you? I just said the entire universe, our very GOD, will subject us to years, centuries, of being forcefully reconditioned by plush '80s era children's toys, and you're asking about my health? We're doomed woman! DOOMED! We're all going to be given rainbow enemas! We're going to have our eyes forcefully propped open and be forced to watch episodes of the 700 Club and barney! The undead Mr Rogers will come forth to fill us with love! Hated, hated love! All because we tried to put an end to an unnatural and evil stellar empire based on entirely too much love for gravity gradients! Oh fie! Oh rue! My very being rails against the injustice of it all!"
GF: "You're denied coffee for the remainder of the week."
Paco: "F4rods!" |
