I don't know if I can explain clearly. (I'm not interested in a flame war either and I don't think this is one.)
I was attempting to point out that the "you're too nice" problem may not be with the man, but with the woman. For various reasons, there are women who think they don't deserve nice guys. In that situation, the solution to being told "you're too nice" is not to behave like a jerk. In many cases the "you're too nice" talk might be given because she's afraid of what is/might be developing with regards to the relationship. One of the ways to get around/solve that problem would be to talk about it. There are women who may not have figured out what is causing the fear and blame themselves for somehow failing you, the "nice guy". Women who have had bad experiences with dating, even the non-abusive bad experiences, are very good at blaming themselves when things go wrong. Fear of things going wrong after they get really involved with someone can also cause them to bail out early, hence the "I don't want to hurt you later" speech.
Remember, women are supposed to be nice and not hurt people. If we do hurt people, especially people we care about, then we've done something wrong.
And yes, it is possible that talking about whatever is scaring her (which may be an abusive past) might make them want to date men more, even nice men. |
