One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for more
than 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's
certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to
rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there
emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the
scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous
blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
"Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar." "Ten years,"
replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a
waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh
package of cigars. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith
and b'gorrah," said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great
a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Jamison's Irish
Whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket
there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took
a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly
fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front
of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and
asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus,
Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!"
************
Buttercups
Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and
found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back
in play, he ended up thrashing every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman
appeared. She said "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to
grow those buttercups!" "For doing what you did, you won't have any butter
for your popcorn for the rest of your life. And, you won't have any butter
for your toast for the rest of your life." In fact, you'll never have any
butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then, POOF! She was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he yelled for his friend "Fred, where
are you?"
Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."
Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred; for the love of God, DON'T SWING!" |
