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<Deleted> | <Deleted> | 2006-11-20 16:47:21 |
| SOT-yet-another-from-the-avenue-M |
by Phoon |
2006-11-20 17:19:03 |
Everyone's A Little Bit Racist
from the "Avenue Q" soundtrack
[And this is an example of why I try to stay away from songs where I have to specify who sings what.]
Princeton: "Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?"
Kate Monster: "Sure!"
Princeton: "Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?"
Kate Monster: "Uh huh."
Princeton: "Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster."
Kate Monster: "Right."
Princeton: "You're both Monsters."
Kate Monster: "Yeah."
Princeton: "Are you two related?"
Kate Monster: "What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!"
Princeton: "Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!"
Kate Monster: "Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying to say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?"
Princeton: "No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist."
Kate Monster: "I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race."
Princeton: "Well, look who's talking!"
Kate Monster: "What do you mean?"
Princeton: "What about that special Monster School you told me about?"
Kate Monster: "What about it?"
Princeton: "Could someone like me go there?"
Kate Monster: "No, we don't want people like you-"
Princeton: "AHA! You see?!"
Princeton:
You're a little bit racist
Kate Monster:
Well, you're a little bit too
Princeton:
I guess we're both a little bit racist
Kate Monster:
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do
Princeton:
But I guess it's true
Kate Monster:
Between me and you
I think
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind
Maybe it's a fact we all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race
Princeton: "Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from..."
Kate Monster: "No!"
Princeton: "No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak godd4 English!"
Kate Monster: "Right!"
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist today
So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth
But you laugh because they're based on truth
Don't take them as personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them, so relax
Princeton: "All right, stop me if you've heard this one."
Kate Monster: "Okay!"
Princeton: "There's a plane going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest..."
Kate Monster: "And a black guy!"
Gary Coleman: "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?"
Kate Monster: "Uh..."
Gary Coleman: "You were telling a black joke!"
Princeton: "Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes."
Gary Coleman: "I don't."
Princeton: "Well, of course you don't, you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?"
Gary Coleman: "Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!"
Princeton: "Now, don't you think that's a little racist?"
Gary Coleman: "Well, d4, I guess you're right."
Kate Monster:
You're a little bit racist
Gary Coleman:
Well, you're a little bit too
Princeton:
We're all a little bit racist
Gary Coleman:
I think that I would have to agree with you
Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do
Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true
Everyone's a little bit racist, all right
Kate Monster:
All right
Princeton:
All right
Gary Coleman:
All right
Bigotry has never been exclusively white
All:
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
Even though we all know that it's wrong
Maybe it would help us
Get along
Princeton: "Oh, Christ, do I feel good."
Gary Coleman: "Now there was a fine upstanding black man!"
Princeton: "Who?"
Gary Coleman: "Jesus Christ."
Kate Monster: "But, Gary, Jesus was white."
Gary Coleman: "No, Jesus was black."
Kate Monster: "No, Jesus was white."
Gary Coleman: "No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black."
Princeton: "Guys, guys... Jesus was *Jewish.*"
[Kate Monster and Gary Coleman laugh]
Brian: "Hey guys, what are you laughing about?"
Gary Coleman: "Racism!"
Brian: "Cool."
Christmas Eve: "BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!"
Princeton: "What's that mean?"
Brian: "Um, recyclables. [The others laugh.] Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?"
Kate Monster: "Oh, come off it, Brian!"
Kate Monster:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Brian:
I'm not!
Princeton:
Oh no?
Brian:
Nope!
How many Oriental wives have you got?
Christmas Eve: "What? Brian!"
Princeton:
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve:
I know you are no intending to be
But calling me Oriental, offensive to me!
Brian: "I'm sorry, honey, I love you."
Christmas Eve: "And I love you."
Brian: "But you're racist, too."
Christmas Eve: "Yes, I know."
Christmas Eve:
The Jews have all the money
And the whites have all the power
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!
Princeton: "Me too!"
Kate Monster: "Me too!"
Gary Coleman: "I can't even get a taxi!"
All:
Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true
But everyone is just about as racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit
And everyone stopped being so PC
Maybe we could live in
Harmony!
Christmas Eve:
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist! |
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