I have been married to my wife for more than 11 (almost 12) years. I am strictly heterosexual, myself.
I have an ex-wife. After we parted ways, I attempted to join in the same barnyard rooster-and-hen dance you are lamenting being caught up in. It didn't work worth beans for me. I gave that up, switched games, and started doing things and going places that I wanted to and enjoyed. That was when I found the woman I married, not when I was "playing the game."
As for physical attractiveness, I happen to know one of the most physically unattractive people on the planet. She is morbidly obese, had serious facial scarring from acne and some injuries, her personality takes a lot of getting used to ("cutting wit" is an understatement), and has even less 'fashion sense' than -I- do and that's going quite a fer piece. Actually, I think she was the inspiration for "Massha" in Asprin's "Myth" series....
Last I heard (and I would have heard otherwise) she is now ecstatically happily married and living in Finland.
The only time there's no hope is when you quit hoping. Just go out and find something fun to do, and there'll likely be someone else doing it, too. Eventualy, you just get to where you do fun things together, and go on from there.
As I said before, it worked for me.
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