and central processing seem to run at half speed compared to others, unless I'm in a task or job or role where I can function, solo, at higher than average speed. A lot of my conversation is rote platitudes, which occasionally make me sound lost and semi-coherent, but it's too late to retract faux-pas's after they're said. Honestly, much of the time I'm disinterested in what others have to say, unless it's something I need to know to perform a task, because it's often about aspects of their lives (dates, SO's, kids, finances, responsibilities, careers, vacations, big future plans) that I have no personal frame of reference to understand. Yes, I am naive beyond belief regarding many things everyone else probably considers old-hat. On occasion I do ignore people, if I'm hearing something I've already heard several times or if this person and/or their words are of little/no use to me and there's no reason for me to be diplomatic or polite. Often when I'm in conversations, I'll not say anything and use body language (eyes, facial, postures, etc.) to keep looking interested while my inner monologue becomes more and more scathing. Sometimes I'm not successful in looking interested, and conversation just peters out. Sometimes I'll talk to someone, get something lively going, then just run out of next words to say, and awkward silence drops down like a blackout at 8pm. Then for some reason whoever has somewhere else they need to be. For me, talking is like "people repellent". I hate my words, because they're so awkward and they lead to more words.
Someone shoot me now. |
