Rule 1
All Pots and Pans are Hot

Rule 2
Never Heat anything you are not prepared to burn
You may not wish to burn it, but you must be clear in your mind that you are quite ready to if you apply heat. To allow a utensil to point at another human being is a deadly threat, and should always be treated as such.

Rule 3
Keep your finger out of the Soup until you have served your guests
This we call the Golden Rule because its violation is responsible for about 80 percent of the resturant complaints we read about.

Rule 4
Be sure of your spice and what is in it
You never add anything until you have positively identified it. You never Spice the bread, or tea, or a Lettus salad. You spice only when you know absolutely what you are seasoning at and what is in it.

Rule 5
Be sure your Kitchen is never accessible to unauthorized or untrained individuals

Rule 6(The Graham Kerr Rule)
Alcohol and Cooking in any quantity DO NOT mix
If you take even a sip of an alcoholic bevereage your are done handling Food for the day. (so you may as well get foo-schnikered) If you wake up with a hangover DO NOT make breakfast. Kitchen Utensils are extremely dangerous devices where even a millisecond of inattention can get someone killed or seriously annoyed.

NOTE: While the most important rules are #1-4 everyone should follow all the rules listed here.

*_{This post is a satire intended to make fun of yesterdays complaints about multible TLPs an should in no way be taken as an afront to the serious nature of the rules of the Ordnance Corner. Besides, you never want to pissoff people who own guns}