Welcome to the corner of the UFiverse where strange(r) and wierd(er) things abound.
It's time to have a look in the bag-o-tricks and rummage through its contents.
Now, what do we have here...
Enjoy! :-)
A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.
So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they go.
Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking". "Hmmm", say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further up?".
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting."
BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!"
So up to the fifth floor they go.
The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!!"
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
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Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "Shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here". The indignant lawyer said "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own". The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in rural Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule". The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up". The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into he lawyer's stomach and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly took the lawyer's nose off. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn". The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck".
End of today's Farm.
Start of rant:
Hi UFies.
I'm back again. This time around it wasn't sickness that kept me away but my ISP and phonecompany. Since the beginning of last week both the internet AND the phone was cut from my apartment. My roommate and I had chosen a new tele-company, but our old supplier was awfully unhappy about that sort of thing, so they decided to cut us off. Very amusing stuff I tell you, to be without net and phone for more than a week. We were told that we might expect trouble with the connection a few days. When we were cut off, they told us that it might take a few days more, but that they were working on it and that we should be back on track in time for the weekend. When that didn't happen - either - we were told that it should work after the weekend. And yes, it is certainly AFTER the weekend now. Our connection was reestablished yesterday evening! I would strangle them with wet noodle if I got the chance! Grrrr!!!
Do any of you accidentally have a spare Terminator, Predator or particle cannon lying around which I can borrow for a spell? I will only use it to slighty alter the atomic mass of some exceptionally annoying Darwin Award candidates. Pretty please?
End of rant. |
