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| Tales of the LEO Gutter Friday Edition |
by DesertRat66 |
2006-03-24 09:28:56 |
Years ago I got a "Abandoned Property" call. I go to this fellow's house expecting to retrieve a lost bicycle or something similar. What he has is a large cardboard box full of [marital aids] left behind by his ex. These things were truly amazing in concept. Not your every day "AA" battery [appliance], but huge monstrous sexual aids you wouldn't find in a masochist's best nightmares.
A couple that stand out was a two-headed latex [device] about as long and as big around as my arm. The heads were bigger than my fist. Stamped into the Flesh-like latex was the name "Big Joe" I'll bet it weighed 15 pounds.
The next was a two headed battery operated appliance with a hand crank in the base that made the front parts pulsate back and forth. This was about 40mm in diameter and around 15" long.
Other items were right along the same ballpark, to include beads on a string the size of golfballs.
Being the concientious rookie that I was, I spread them all out on the table and took a proper inventory with pics(while wearing gloves) then called the guy's ex-wife. She stated that she would come by the next day to pick them up, but she never did. The whole station was very dissappointed. Everything eventually was trashed except for "Big Joe". The last time I saw it the thing it was on a shelf in the evidence room, and was used to occasionally bludgeon rookies.
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One of the most distasteful, yet often entertaining, duties of a military LEO was to perform random vehicle searches.
We pull over this one car and proceed to search it for contraband. The female driver goes hysterical when she is told to hand over her purse for inspection. After much "you can't make me.....yes we can...no you can't", the MP I was with pulls out a rather large battery powered device from the driver's purse.
It wasn't the look of horror on the driver's face that was priceless, rather it was the reaction of her passengers...
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[ Reply ] |
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...the reaction of her passengers... | by merlin | 2006-03-24 09:40:05 |
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at least it wasnt' "the fist" or "the foot" (n/t) | by unjust | 2006-03-24 10:13:02 |
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Was thinking similarly. (dirty minded person am I) (n/t) | by joecrouse | 2006-03-24 10:17:33 |
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Never said those weren't in there (n/t) | by DesertRat66 | 2006-03-24 10:17:36 |
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I'm glad you wore gloves. | by RetiQlum2 | 2006-03-24 11:29:13 |
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Random vehicle searches .... | by ChuckAB | 2006-03-24 13:37:19 |
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