My thanks to everyone for their feedback, and especially to mortaine and other extroverts who suggested that this was possibly normal extroverted behaviour. I think that might be the reason for "Jane's" habits, possibly coupled with the suggestion made by xcheopsis that there may be a mild element of OCD involved.

I'm an almost-extreme (8 on a scale of 1 to 10) introvert; I become exhausted if I'm in a crowd for too long. I recharge rapidly when I'm alone, say hiking on a trail in the woods. This isn't to say I don't like to socialize -- I love it. But my endurance for socialization is quite limited compared to even a mild extrovert.

So it sounds like I need to explain to Jane three things: 1) I listen carefully and make sure on my own that understand all that she is saying, 2) repeating the same point over and over is nagging to me so she needs to stop, and 3) in all other regards to communications she needs to meet me in the middle. I don't expect her to speak to me in the way I want, but on the same note she doesn't get free reign to fulfill her own needs at the cost of my own sanity.

Sound fair to you guys?