|
|
Back to UserFriendly Strip Comments Index
|
Well me and SO had a huge by vicious | by joecrouse | 2004-12-12 19:16:24 |
| You're not going to like this advice, |
by tskelton |
2004-12-12 20:40:36 |
but please listen for a moment, and read to the end before you throw the mouse and keyboard across the room.
For starters, what the other folks here said is right: you didn't hit her, and that's a good thing. We all want to hit somebody some time (almost everybody at one time or another has wanted to kill somebody at least once). But because we are humans, not animals, we can exercise cerebral control over the fight-or-flight reflex and do neither.
Now, for the part you won't like. Until the two of you can chill and hold a civilised conversation about the really important stuff, you are not ready to get married. You're not mature enough (yes, I know people sixty years old who are not mature enough to be married) when interacting with this specific person. Please note the important part of the previous sentence: "when interacting with this specific person". We each show different levels of maturity with different people. Some people bring out the best in you. Others rub you the wrong way and make you behave like a three-year-old. Cultivate acquaintenances in the first group, and try to stay clear of the second. It ain't your fault--it ain't their fault. It's just that two such people together is a bad combination.
Committing to marriage -- spending the rest of your lives together, because nothing short of that is a true marriage -- means that you two work together on a set of common goals. When your desires and goals don't mesh with her desires and goals, you **must** be able to talk it over, find out what is truly important and what is not, and find a way for the two of you to come to terms with that. Once you agree to support what is truly important to her (and it may require that you don't get something you thought you wanted up until then), and she agrees to support what is truly important to you (ditto), you have learned to live together without problems that lead to bruises, even if it's just a bruised ego.
That may mean she allows room for the bookshelf and computers and the repair kits even though it takes up too much room -- but maybe the room is more important to her than you realize so you rent a shed to store the National Geo's and the spare parts kits so they are out of the way. You won't know until you -- both of you -- find a way to ask each other what's important and tell each other what's important without screaming and yelling (and wanting to hit/kill each other).
Final words, it's ninety minutes past the time I need to be asleep so I can get up and drive two hours to customer site tomorrow: Do postpone the wedding. But don't abandon the girl -- yet. See if you can each mature enough to leave the yelling-and-screaming behaviour behind and find a way to figure out what's worth sticking up for, where you each can gain by supporting the other's wants/needs/desires. When you get there, set a new wedding date. And post it here so we know. Or, O sad day, you may never be able to reach that relationship with her. No fault-finding needed -- no fault to be found -- not everyone is the perfect mate for everyone else.
My spouse of twenty-five-plus years and I call it "choosing your fights". We've learned that we're each happiest when the other is also happy. Happiness divided is happiness multiplied.
Are you man enough? Is she woman enough? The challenge has been issued. Now, did you read all the way through? |
|
[ Reply ] |
|
|
[Todays Cartoon Discussion]
[News Index]
|
|
