I cringe because I can totally see myself doing something stupid like that. A huge part of my mind is compulsively devoted to reliving and beating myself up over idiotic things like that. The memories are like a psychic tumor. If you were to watch me carefully, you might notice when they hit me from time to time. Sometimes I physically jolt when I remember one of those times when that made me feel small. Sometimes it's just a shadow that makes me hide my face in shame.

For whatever reason I've managed to mostly pull away from that specific sort of idiocy over the last few years. Unbelievably, I was known at the mission as someone who could talk to and relate to anyone. My coworker Pam would always describe me to people that way, which always felt really good. Guess I've been able to grow a little.

I guess I'm lucky that I've haven't been in many situations where I've had to fear for my physical safety. Far more often I've been afraid of humiliating myself, and of being on the receiving end of rebukes and scorn. Those are the fears that pause my hands and feet in situations that seem to call for action.

And if from somewhere I still decide that I'm supposed to act, that's when I'll recite from Psalm 23:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;

I guess your memory spawned a few memories of its own, Illiad. We all have these things we have to remember and deal with.