Yeesh, I knew I had a dysfunctional family. I just hoped that it wouldn't get to the level when it's disturbing the care for my sister.

Background: I have two sisters, E and N. N has recently discovered that she has a severe case of melanoma, with two infestations in the brain and two in the lungs. She can't work and has huge debts.

Now, since this came about, each of us took upon herself whatever she could do for my sister N. She has friends that help her, but my sister E, who is on a sabbatical and works part-time, also joined in the rounds to take her to the hospital and to run errands for her. She comes over and cleans the house from time to time, takes the dog out, and so on. She shares this duty with N's friends, as I said. Of all the family, she lives the closest to her - about 15-20 minutes drive.

I, as I don't have a car, can't take part in that, but I was placed in charge of all her financial matters and given power of attorney over everything, so I transfer money from her bank to cover her debts and I keep track on what comes in and what goes out of it. I also put some of my own money in there, as I have the best salary in the family, and no debts of my own.

My mom lives the farthest away, an hour and a half drive or so. She comes to visit N once a week on the weekend, and brings her tons of home-made food, as well as basic groceries and vegetables. My mom lives on a small pension, and this extra expense in food and driving is cutting a big hole in her budget, but she is not making a fuss over it, as each of us is doing what she can.

My mom is mentally rather frail. She is very emotional to begin with, and we are keeping the true nature of my N's prognosis from her. She suffers from severe anxiety syndrom and takes medication for it. When it affects her, she can barely care for herself, and she doesn't drive out of town.

Now, my sisters have never had any respect for my mother, and they take her psychiatric problems as mere attention-seeking pretence. My sister N is at least wise enough to hide her disgust and to show every bit of gratitude for my mother's efforts. My sister E, however, doesn't seem to suffer from excess of sense.

She is my exact opposite when it comes to superstitions and beliefs. She seems to be able to believe in everything. Astrology, crystal power, amulets, feng-shui, you name it, she has it. Recently, her husband became a salesman for some company that sells "alternative medicine" stuff, like magnetic insoles, stuff like that. She not only believes in all that, but because her husband is unemployed, she also pushes the merchandise very strongly, in an attempt to take care of their own debts, which are growing all the time (rent, kids, car, all out of her meager teacher's salary).

Now she got it into her head to push some sort of food supplement made by that company as a cure for my sister. Of course, the mere idea gave me the creeps, as these things are not tested for either eficacy or safety, and it's not known what interaction they can have with the conventional medication she is getting. However, my sister N told me to relax - the thing costs about $65 per bottle (!!!), and she told my sister E that she can't afford it, which is true enough. I thought that would be the last I heard of it. My aunt, by the way, gave my sister N some canabis seeds' oil for the same purpose, but at least she never thought to charge her for it.

Anyway, this morning my mother calls me in tears. What happened? Turns out that my sister E called her, and told her that "they really should get the money together to buy N the food supplement thing". "How are we going to afford this?" my mother asked. "How can you think of money at a time like this?", replied my sister E, "Would you stand and do nothing and let your daughter die?".

Which is, of course, the most monstrous thing you can do to a mother, especially one in her state. What a bloody emotional manipulation. Apparently, she can push my mom's buttons very nicely, because it took me some time to talk some reason into her head, and tell her that she can't be considered an awful mother just because she doesn't want to spend her last dime on some tomfoolery that has no proven efficacy, and that she should see her therapist to help her defend herself against such an attack in the future.

When I hung up, I felt like murdering my sister. Never mind the way she tries to make the extra buck for her husband (even if she believes the stuff really works) by throwing such an accusation at my mother. But if she puts my mother in such a state that her delicate mental balance is disturbed, and she can't drive, she'll be depriving my sister N of her main source of food. Then she'd probably complain how my mother never faces crises, and always falls back on her "condition" when something bad happens.

I thought I'd send her an e-mail right away to tell her exactly what I think of such people as herself. Maybe quote some Bible at her, since she is a Bible teacher. But I'd rather not get things even more complicated, I need to find a way to stop her pestering my mother, without making things even worse. I also need to find a way to tell my sister N to change her excuse for not wanting the "food supplement", but I can't do that without telling the whole story and upsetting her. Any advice will be welcome.

Families!