I know for me, Christmas is always a bittersweet time. I time of inner reflection, and a time of joy. In a way, I do a personal inventory of all the stuff I've done over the year, and over all previous years. I remember all my mistakes, and all the times people have hurt me. I think about the people who have died, or just gone away. I think of previous girlfriends and where things went wrong. Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been better if other choices were made. Of course, there are still lots of happy things too! Good family and friends, good food, and lot's of love for everyone!
These last few days I've been in total recluse mode, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about all the stuff that has happened to me, and the stuff that I have done. I'm not proud of a lot of it, but some I am. Most of what I think about is very sad. I think about past christmas's that have been very painful. I think about losing some of my best friends. I even think about how old my cat is getting, and that she will probably die in the next 3 years...
I always put a good face on for christmas though, and I DO get into the christmas spirit. I guess I'm either up or down in my moods.
Does anyone else feel the same way? |
