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ONQ (for lovers) part 1	by OzanBABA	2003-03-18 07:07:16
sorry i am late at university internet connetcion was f* up :) more steve wrigth tho For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... So then I filled the humidifier with wax and left it on. Now everything in my house is shiny. This is my impression of a bowling ball...[drags the mike along the floor, then lifts it]...gutter... There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air... I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy... I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the wall that didn't do anything...so anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just flick that switch up and down...up and down...up and down....Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany...it just said, "Cut it out." I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. "The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.." "My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old." "I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once. He was fun when he was a puppy. I named him Stay. When I'd call him I'd say C'mere Stay C'mere Stay and he'd go like this..(FILL IN THE MOVEMENT YOURSELF). He's a lot smarter than that now. Now when I call him he just ignores me and keeps on typing." "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." "I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'." "I lost a button hole today." "I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child." "I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator." "When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually....." "Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears... I think George is weird, because he has false teeth... with braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk." "Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head." "Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug..." "All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store..." "Last year we drove across the country... We switched on the driving... every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip........... I don't remember what it was..." "He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? ... He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in..." "I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again..." "One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building... I turned it... and the whole building started up.... So I drove it around.... A policeman stopped me for going too fast... He said, 'Where do you live?'... I said, 'Right here'... Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway." "If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses." "I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said 'Stephen, why haven't you called me."... I said, "I can't call everyone I want... my (new) phone has no 'five' on it."... He said, "How long have you had it?"... I said, "I don't know... my calendar has no 'seven's on it." "I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile." "Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?" "I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes..." Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription for my eye-glasses ran out .... I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road; I don't know how I got there. I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious! Power outage at a department store yesterday, Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say "What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!" My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said "the whole time". One time the power went out in my house, I had no lights. Fortunately my camera had a flash. I went to make a peanut butter sandwich and took 60 pictures of my kitchen. My neighbors called the police. They thought it was lightning in my house. What's another word for thesaurus? I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep" I said "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep." One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign." I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read." I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second. I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place. I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it. I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes... I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.
[ Reply ]
ONQ (for lovers) part 2	by OzanBABA	2003-03-18 07:08:25
lol	by Reddy	2003-03-18 07:13:43
tomorrow	by OzanBABA	2003-03-18 07:22:32
smiles	by Reddy	2003-03-18 07:29:01
Who is this Steven Wright?	by skippy-ish_guy	2003-03-18 07:37:31
these were great	by defect	2003-03-18 07:41:29
ask Mcnutcase thank you :) (n/t)	by OzanBABA	2003-03-18 08:44:32

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