God Apologizes. Billions of applications filed to leave a newly overpopulated Heaven.
In an offical statement this afternoon, Almighty God, creator of Heaven and Earth (and Hell), admits, "Hell was actually a mistake. I misunderstood some advice I got from my Mentor Diety and got carried away." To make up for his mistake, God has lifted all rules controlling the actions of man, destroyed Hell and is now allowing souls to now go directly to Heaven once their time on Earth has expired. Christians all over the world rejoice as they are now allowed to do the same horrible, immoral things that we Atheists have been allowed to do all along.
In an odd but related story, billions of souls have requested that God relocate them to another plane of existence. One such soul states, "Now that Heaven is so crowded, it just isn't fun anymore. I mean, before we used to sit around and talk about how much better we were then all those poor bastards in Hell. Now, those same souls are as close to God as I am. It isn't fair!" When asked what he planned to do, God shrugged and said, "Who knows? Guess I have to create a whole now plane now. Maybe an endless lake of JELLO (TM). That would be a nice change for a while." |
