If you're one of the oversensitive types who looks for things to be offended by, please read this. Go on. Print it out and stick it over your bed. Maybe one day your head will explode because of it, and the world will be a better place.
I went to the supermarket to buy some apples the other day, and couldn't help but wince at the dreadful 50's music they were playing. Anyway, I decided to get some bananas too, while in the fruit section, and some chocolate drops (they go well with Wheatabix) from the sweets section. Thinking of toppings, I got some bacon bits because they go well sprinkled on cheese on toast, or any savoury brew, for that matter. Salivating at the thought of such, I got some cans of soup, and some cheese-topped buns to eat alongside. Sometimes it's nice to have a cold drink, like coconut milk, but I decided to stock up on cocoa and coffee beans anyway. Actually, cocoa is good for cakes too, and you need eggs for that. Problem is, the FBI have been watching me around eggs even since that incident with the chicken farm. They called me the Chicken Bandit on TV -- feathers everywhere! Ah, good times, even if the fine was huge. So now I only tend to make fishcakes.
Donning my goggles to ride home on my shiny moped, so I don't miss my harp lessons, I meet my friend Jim, and we do a little jig out of the sheer joy of being alive. Hurrah! Jim works at KFC, and tells me that what they sell you is actually 60% lobster. Funny guy. I agree to meet him to try that mead he's been preparing.
So, I get home, hug my big fuzzy panda that I liberated from the zoo (for some reason they think he's missing, even though I left a note in klingon for them), drink some refreshing Pepsi, chase the racoons away from the trash (I'm sure they're plotting against me), and Sam arrives to teach me to play. He's a very nice man, and has a pet Tiger. He was the one who helped me at the zoo. Anyway, we get on with the music lesson. My instrument is yellow and made of balsa wood, but then it was cheap.
And, you see officer, that's what happened up to the point at which you walked in a found me with my zip down.
Incidentally, I *love* the entry "Jew - Jews - Short for Jewish. Not really a slur but could be if you say it the right way." Give that site an award! |
