I cannot speak for anyone else, but my observation has been that if we all "reaped what we sowed", most of us would have dug ourselves quite a deep hole before life was even halfway over. Feeling resentment toward a feeble old person for making mistakes (possibly decades before)or for being unhealthy makes no more sense than resenting a child for saying things without thinking first, for not being able to control his/her body functions or for being unable to care for him/herself. The anger and indignation won't improve the person who is inspiring the bad feelings, and while it may make the angry person feel more powerful, for a little while, it's energy that would be better spent on useful, positive activities..

Since the subject of stubbornness was brought up, I'm wondering how any of us would react if our brains stopped functioning fully? How would we react to becoming physically dependent on others for our survival? Wouldn't we all be perceived as "stubborn", if we were no longer cooperating fully because we were unable to understand what was happening or uable to think clearly?

With that in mind, how could anyone KNOW that Grandma's deliberately trying to sabotage her own health?

Taking care of sick people is very emotionally draining work, and it's even more draining when we know there is no hope for a full return to being a healthy, fully-functional person. However, being negative toward the sick person can only make them feel worse and possibly make them sicker, due to stress.

I sincerely wish the best for thewrongcrowd and grandma, and I hope that if these feelings persist, get worse, or interfere with enjoying and making peace with Grandma during these end times, help will be sought instead of taking the feelings out on Grandma.