It's a beautiful night, but the stars in the skies
Aren't nearly as bright as the light in my eyes
I didn't take my Prozac again
'Cause without it I see things beyond mortal ken

Join with me in devout prayer, at midnight so deep
'Cause once you know what's Out There, then you'll never sleep
A million years ago, he first came
He's changing my world, let me tell you his name

Dread Cthulhu, Elder God from the stars
If you see him and live, you'll hang out more in bars
The nastiest ocean god left
Like a mountain of sushi, pissed off at the chef

His geometry has corners with curves
And the roles that we're born for are slaves and hors d'oeuvres
Those Caribbean cruise plans you've made
Have got you putting yourself in a sea salt marinade

All the tales of the power of the God of the Jews
Never mention a tower of tentacled ooze
Confucianism, Buddhists, and Tao
Don't prepare you for things that suck the skin off a cow

Still, he's one cautious god, and he's taking his time
But after O.J., Newt, Rodman, and Prince, what's more slime?
He's got his flipper stuck in the door
'Cause you see grosser stuff on Nintendo 64

Dread Cthulhu knew we fight if we're scared
So he made us so jaded that nobody cared
With clinic bombings, kids shot at school
And the WB Network - hey, the Great Old One's cool!

Dread Cthulhu knew the stars would be right
To come back to the earth, so he's come back tonight
All your hope I don't want to crush
But to him, we're dead goldfish, and now it's time to flush

The FBI waited for him to come
And now Scully's his priestess, and Mulder's her drum
A nuke only made him annoyed
So he banished our government to some nether void

The Chinese Army was one billion men
But just one hour later, he was hungry again
The Russians fell to madness and ooze
Although ironically Yeltsin went sane, and then swore off booze

Now, the secrets that killed men who lowered their guards
Are collected by children on cool trading cards
Cthulhu Crunch, part of this nutritious horror
Visit Cthulhu-dot-com, but - trust us - use Explorer

His love slaves are swarthy, and vile as can be
Tammie Faye, Jen McCarthy, and Pamela Lee
He rules the whole world from within
But he's about to go public - that's where I come in

Dread Cthulhu came to visit my dreams
'Cause he knew I could keep singing over the screams
Fingers snapping, pseudopods flaying
He'll let me live as long as I keep on playing

Dread Cthulhu, rising out of the sea
To devour the planet with biscuits and tea
Now we're at the end of the show
With six billion Human McNuggets, ordered to go

(I'd like to super-size that, please ...)

(What he said. ;))