the Book of Condiments!
Condiments, three or four:
III -- Pickles (or relish, at your pleasure), ketchup, and mustard only. Barbecue sauce is allowed but weird, and will be branded as such. This devotion to condiments is meant to keep you from spoiling your foodstuff with freakish, possibly treasonous condiments, including, but not limited to: mayonnaise (see IV), ranch dressing, bleu cheese dressing, and anything with the word "whipped" in the name.
IV -- Mayonnaise is to be kept from fries, pommes frites, chips, or any other commie pinko name that you may like to call them. It is only permissible in potato, egg, or (if you eat that sort of thing) tuna salad. |
