Baby, I wanna tell you all my hopes and dreams and fears
But I'm watching television, could you get me another beer
There's wrestling and pro football on, I hope you understand
I must watch it all, for I am a man

And a man has needs
And a man has desires
Eternal fires that burn, burn, burn
And a man he bleeds
And a man he perspires
'Til the stains show on his shirt

I missed our anniversary and the birth of our son
It was beyond my control, my team was on a playoff run
Oh baby, baby, baby, you mean everything to me
But could you move your butt, you're blocking the TV

'Cause a man has needs
And a man has desires
Eternal fires that burn, burn, burn
And a man he bleeds
And a man he grows tired
Gets sleepy and naps on the couch

(spoken)
Oh baby, oh honey, oh darling, oh pudding ... what are you doing with that suitcase? Leavin' me? What do you mean we don't communicate? We're talkin' all the time, we're talkin' 'bout- ooh! Monster trucks! That little Volkswagen ain't got no chance against the cowcrusher! C'mon cowcrusher, crush that little Volks- you're gone! I hope she left me one of them pudding pops. They're tasty.

Oh, a man has needs
And a man has desires
Eternal fires that burn, burn, burn
And a man he bleeds
And he shops at Canadian Tire
And he always keep his coupons

A man has needs
And a man has desires
Eternal fires that burn, burn, burn
And a man he bleeds
And a man he expires
And he cried when Wayne Gretzky retired

(Hee. It's good to be back.)