Willkommen to Bavaria!  Everybody DANCE!

You've heard that everyone is six degrees from Kevin Bacon
But do you know the Six Degrees of Grand Exalted Mason?
For everyone and everything has around it curled
The tentacles of the Secret Masters who control the world

I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

For several thousand years now, they've worked behind the scenes
They laugh when we buy Dockers -- we've all got designer genes!
They know if you'll get the girl or pass the S.A.T.
It's kinda like The Truman Show combined with D&D

I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

Everybody's bank account is serviced by the Gnomes
The Masonic Temple gets the mortgage payment for your homes
Commander Weishaupt keeps Saddam from being killed too soon
While Crowley and Blavatsky run Wall Street from the moon

I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

The Media say everything is awful but it's okay
It turns out that Fox Mulder is really Keyser Soze
If Men In Black are in your tub, or birds consult your cat
Duck your head, try not to think, and wear this tinfoil hat

I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

hat

The entertainment industry just got the Atom Bomb
Dick Cheney and Al Qaeda run Enron with your mom
Your DNA's on CD-R, so heads up, P.D.Q.
You may not have a hope in hell, but at least you've got a clue!

I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

Fnord!

(Can't add anything to that. It's perfect. Fnord.)