Human? No. Part human, part pine. (Or birch. Papa keeps changing the story on me whenever I ask where I came from.) My bones are still wooden, and my blood's consistency is closer to sap.

Resemble a human? Yes, except when I pull the pins out of my hips and walk on my knuckles like a legless person. It's quite a bit more painful now that I've become a real boy, but I can still do it and impress my friends.

Politician? No.

Sell parents into slavery? No. I believe in voluntary servitude for just compensation.

I wouldn't work for the young man who appears in commercials for Dell computers, or for anybody else involved in Dell's ad campaign, but I would serve him lunch.

According to the flowchart, this makes me a Lieutenant.

(Note: this is the only path from non-Homo sapiens to a commission as an officer.)

About the name: I'm adopted. (Mirror 1)