I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said,
"No, the steaks are too high."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
Phone answering machine message "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says,
"I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go
for it.'
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' That was so nice."
A man walked into the doctors, he said,
"I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said,
"Well don't go there any more"
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. |
