Seems to be the day for these types of things so here is my contribution.
Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess".
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder".
Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request
for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little
bowl on the middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not
use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right
near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road"
can be 1mile or 20.
Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between
a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or
an adverb.
Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of
the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that
jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do
"queues", we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ... ," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"
and go your own way.
|
