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did i ever tell you that i hate being shy? | by sketcher | 2002-03-08 00:00:28 |
| words of wisdom |
by ag_wyvern |
2002-03-08 00:42:33 |
or not, but here goes anyway.
Okay, you're a dateless wonder at 20. I can pretty much guarantee that your life won't be over. You *will* eventually meet the 'right' person.
Now for the not so trite stuff.
I am pretty sure that I could beat you if it came down to comparison of shyness levels. I didn't have a real girlfriend until late in university (hell, I can count my total number of real friends on one hand). Anyway... you have to make a decision about the situation, because if you just let things slide, you'll wonder what could/should have been.
Don't go out on a 'date' with Steph. *Talk* to her. I'm guessing you know the things she likes to do, places she hangs out. Is there a way you could simply run into her in a public place by 'accident'? Sit down for coffee or donuts or something, and talk. About Ivan, things you like, things she likes. See if she really is the type of person who you would want as a friend. Because, believe it or not, you *do* need to be friends with the woman you love, otherwise it just won't work.
And here's the kicker... it is *really* hard to talk to a nice girl. But... all that can really happen is
1) she rejects you (which will hurt, but you *will* get over it, and she obviously wasn't that nice after all)
2) she treats you like a friend (which would be nice)
3) she treats you like a friend, and things go further (which would be very nice).
Just don't be an ass. Be yourself, not what you think she will want. Not what your peers would do. Be *yourself*.
It'll be worth the risk. And if it does turn out that she is the person for you, then Ivan *should* understand. And if he doesn't, you'll still have the right person for you in your life.
I hate being shy too. The most horrible thing about it is we always worry about what the other person will think about us, when in fact it doesn't matter. Don't believe me? Ask anybody who's older than you. I'm 37 now. I have 4 true friends. 3 live 1500 miles away from me, 1 I'm married to. The people I know now, who I spend time with, who I work with, are *not* the people I knew when I was 20. My coworkers accept me as who I am, not as who they think I should be.
Being 20 and shy is a pain in the posterior. Being 30 and shy isn't so bad. The difference is at 20 you still worry about how you appear to others. As you get older, you *will* realize that it's how you appear to yourself that really counts.
So... *talk* to her. Just do it. My opinion, that's all.
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