his mom and I will soon celebrate our 24th anniversary.
Your situation may be different, but here goes anyway.
1) We did not live together before getting married,
seemed too much like a halfway measure and contrary to our
religion anyway. If you know it's right and you want it to be
forever, take the leap of faith and get married -- as a
stepfather you will be sending the right messages to the
kids.
2) We had a small, simple wedding -- a big, fancy, expensive
ceremony was not important; the comittment to marriage is
not measured by the size of the caterer's bill! Also, the
son/stepson was our ringbearer, not just an observer sulking
in the corner.
3) I found ways to spend time with him, to let him know that I
really liked HIM, and that he was not just an unwelcome,
barely tolerated appendage. My first degree was in Theatre,
and I had a good voice for reading stories aloud, so naturally
I started reading him his bedtime stories. We did the entire
Lord of the Rings. (and the second night, War and Peace...j/k)
If you don't have a good knack for stories,
find something else you both (or, in your case all 3?) can
enjoy together. On second thought, some things together for
all 3, but sometimes you'll need time with each separately.
4 --> infinity?) most of the 'rules' are the same as for
parenting in general -- love, discipline, respect, etc;
but if I had to sum it up in one rule :
THE NEEDS OF THE CHILDREN ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN !!!
If you can't buy into this one, you should never inflict
yourself on innocent children -- if you know that you can't be
a good parent, don't have children!
(am I starting to sound like Dr Laura? eeewwwwwww)
These are my own heartfelt opinions; take 'em or leave 'em.
Before anyone starts to get defensive or drags out the old
flamethrower, allow me to say that this expression of my
honest opinions does not mean that I am claiming moral
superiority over anyone or that I am criticizing anyone,
living or deceased, analog or digital. I haven't always
lived up to my own standards so I'm not going to criticize
anyone else....
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