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Question to any Step-parents | by CrashBehr | 2001-11-12 13:52:36 |
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eh. | by baski | 2001-11-12 15:00:08 |
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Problem is... | by Naruki | 2001-11-12 15:08:27 |
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heh | by baski | 2001-11-12 15:34:16 |
| well... |
by Arienadean |
2001-11-12 16:10:10 |
yes its a hard job to assume a parenting type roll even for natural parents its an adjustment. Some parents be they step or bio shouldn't be "parents" ... I've seen some nasty stuff as a nanny, etc. Other people are wonderful parents be them bio or not. I've seen "step-parents" be there for their kids... They've been there for the sorrows and joys and all the inbetweens. They truely cared and they bonded with the children in question... and I've seen bio parents beat the crap outta their kids for minor things, not be around when things counted, etc. I've seen parents (both "step" and "bio") try to buy their childrens love because they weren't around.(either due to splits, or work, or whatever ... even because they felt it was a chore and wanted to go play golf or something).
A parent comes in two forms... one may of created the life but cares nothing more for it or views it as a chore if they do participate... or just plain isn't very nice, supportive, etc to the child they've helped bring into this world... But same can apply to some adopted, step parents, and guardians... who happened into having a parent relationship but view it as a dreaded chore/task and make the child feel like baggage or unwanted, etc.
Then there is the parent that is such not by genetics, marriage, adoption, etc necisarily... They are the parent that is "mom" or "dad" because of the love, time, caring, and sharing spent. They have formed bonds with the children in question. Even if the "parents" split they'd still carry on the bond with the child and love. They'd want to see it and be part of its life and that would be mutual to what the child was feeling.
My son has a respite worker. Their "family" has taken in my son on weekends(and during emerg or times during the week when I was living with my daughter at hospital) for probably around 4 yrs now. My son calls the "parents" by their first names and his foster/respite sibs by their names. They are racially/culturally/religiously diffrent but that doesn't matter... what matters is the love and caring. They love my son and he is part of holiday celebrations at times with them, etc. He loves them as well... they are just family to us. To them they have helped raise/care for many disabled kids and seen many grow into adults in the many years they've done respite and foster care. They love those children as if they were their own kids and treated them no diffrent. The love was mutual and some kids called them mom and dad, etc.(my son has pet names for them) The kids that have grown come back to visit...
Labels don't always matter neither does genetics... Its whats in the heart... however sometimes for points of refrence people use terms like adoptive parent, step-partent, or parents SO(boyfriend/girlfriend) in refrence... Sometimes kids are shy to call people mom and dad or uncle/aunt if they are close to them.. My daughter was such a way. She said "you know mom Jon is kinda like my step daddy isn't he?" with a big grin on her face... she was fishing at the time to see if it was ok to refer to him as such(I asked to confirm that). I asked chromatix(Jon) if he minded and he didn't... the bonds were mutual. :) Based on love and caring and just being who they are... it developed naturally and is no less special than any other parent type relationship. I told my daughter he didn't mind and she had big grins on that same with my son... for they do also love my SO.
The bond between them when they are around eachother is obvious... :)
What do you call bad parents? hmmm... you don't call them... you avoid them. Unless at some point you make your peace over the past and move on in a new direction... But that takes them acting like a "mom" or "dad" and not simply being a "parent"... What do you call good parents? Simple... its "loved." |
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[ Reply ] |
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Yup. | by baski | 2001-11-12 16:17:13 |
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