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Question to any Step-parents | by CrashBehr | 2001-11-12 13:52:36 |
| Speaking as a step-child |
by JPaganel |
2001-11-12 16:03:39 |
The big thing is - don't push things. Don't jump in and pretend you are THE father or, god forbid, the father who knows best. You will put yourself and them in a world of pain. Ask the children if they want to call you "dad". Explain that it's OK if they don't.
Children are a lot smarter that adults give them credit for. The will see through pretenses and hate you for them. When they see you as a father figure (and they will eventually) it will be a natural realization, not a forced fact.
This may take quite a bit of effort on your part. Many men feel the need to organize into an orderly family and it hurts them when things don't mesh.
My current stepfather has this weird thing, he thinks I should be a brother to his son from the first marriage. It ain't gonna happen. It's not that we have different interests. I have them, he doesn't.
However, at this point I am old enought to understand that (I have a son of my own) and this doesn't spoil our relationship. I am not so sure I would be so tolerant at a younger age.
As it stands, I introduce him as my dad, but call him Doug. We have a lot more in common than me and my biological father, so my mom says we are like twins. (I am the evil one, of course..;))
Hope this helps. Cheers. |
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