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Question of the Day! | by kickstart | 2001-11-07 00:00:04 |
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A Wife | by rwrannells | 2001-11-07 05:10:34 |
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My condolenses... | by ChicoScience | 2001-11-07 09:05:45 |
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Really bugs me | by Kickstart | 2001-11-07 12:18:58 |
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I've lived the process and seen the process... | by Arienadean | 2001-11-07 22:17:23 |
| part 2 |
by Arienadean |
2001-11-07 22:19:39 |
<rant continued...>
Then if someone holds you against your will if your not seperated for long they'll take a report but wont do anything. I filed one with witness... had my locks changed, etc. They wouldn't arrest him but looked at his record and said they wished they could of... and tho they couldn't tell me what it said warned me to be careful because of how "his type" is... No contact orders can be also as useless as jurisdictional clauses on enforcement. Only way they do much is if the person tries to kill you, beats you up, or rapes you and you seek immediate emerg treatment.(even then what they do might be limited)... and juvinille records afik are sealed and inadmissable. What did work was the anti stalking law...
As for child support and spousal... if I didn't need it I'd not bother because I don't want *anything* from him... nor do I want to owe him for anything. But I'm on a fixed income with disabilities (some of which are suspected of being a result of abuse and are considered significant...) and raising a multiply handicapped child. I also have my daughter for visitations(as he does my son) and have to pay for little extras that aren't covered because I'm not her custodial(I'm her guardian and my sons custodial). Things happen and come up. He's caused me expenses by his antics. one judge actually told him off. He said "why doesn't she work I don't see why I need to do a thing?" The judge having read several medical reports on me and my son (and I happened to be using a cane at the time due to various arthritis) looks at me and says to him "I can take a guess why I see she needs a cane to get around Mr ____ you walked in here on your own. I have read her reports and your sons. I can think of several reasons why she is unable to work now go sit down." I could of continued to persue funds from him but I dropped it due to my daughters health... the government having taken over the case may restart it if my daughter doesn't make it.(tho hopefully if they do that they'll give both me and my ex some time as things will be hard enough without dealing with lawyers and judges...) My ex also makes good money and finally is in a stable job... and I also found out that things he had me cut up id for (airmiles, costco, etc) he had let others use my membership id for... I left it alone tho. When I was with him there were times that I went without food so he and the kids would eat... he didn't care. He does care the odd times on kids things now but for the most part he just thinks I should have money magically from somewhere to pay for whatever.(he's tried to sell me cars, computers, etc he doesn't quite get it tho I've repetitvely said "I don't have money for that"... also frankly if I did have money I'd not trust him...) things people have given my kids stay for my kids... I've not sold them for money for me to play with etc... however same can't be said of him. Also tho I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world challenges or not... I wasn't fully ready for kids my ex had heavily pressured me into it.(despite knowing after the first it would be dangerous he continued... so I got fixed after the second when I nearly died... because doc said next time one of us probably wouldn't make it.) I've also many a time delt with my sons "stuff" alone... my ex only went to 2 meetings in all the years. I've been to nearly all the big meetings on my daughter, made sure my son was taken care of and lived part time at the hospital with her, got her equipment temp to help her walk, applied for services to help her with things, etc. He does love the kids he's just clueless.(and perhaps afraid of reality)
I think if the woman has lots of money sometimes it would be right for her to pay support... especially if the man took the kids to raise them and she has the higher income. Also if he was stay at home then she should pay something til he's back on his feet if she can.(they do income test for payments...) The court does similar for women who were homemakers, primary care givers, etc. They also take into consideration if she worked to help them go through school, etc same should be taken for men that did the same.
In court its often he said she said. They require financial statments, prior tax returns, sometimes empolyment things... Beyond that its witness, diaries of info or photos, medical records, police reports, and wire taps.(yes its admissible if one side is aware... they suggested I should do it). Its a hard job wading through high charge emotions and trying to find an objective and fair answer. Its not an easy job to do and some laws restrict what they can do.(be they judge or cop). If a person kept their significant other sheltered/isolated... there might not be much witness... if they were abused might be alot of fear so hard to say what other evidence. Sometimes court orders have to be issued to witness (doctors for instance due to confidentiality). It can be a long, stressful, complicated process... If their are children involved that makes it worse. I avoided as much as I could for the childrens sake and got them councelling. I could of dragged more into court but I didn't we'd been through enough... What I dislike is to get a divorce is still expensive(or annulment which I've been told I could probably also get due to nature of how my marriage was) despite the fact that I've been seperated for many years now. If I actually list on divorce papers the honest truth that it was in relation to abuse and non resolvable diffrences it would probably have to go to court.(non contested is the cheapest and fastest so I hear)... that is even with propertly being divided long ago and seperate assets... and to fix credit records I formally have to request they be seperated and that must be sent to the capital.(otherwise seperated peoples credit records will still mingle).
I think its really individual and laws need to be fair to both parties... I also think that police should have more power and that the court orders should mean something... also that if your a "guardian" if your also that childs parent it should count for more than it does at times...
<end of rant...> |
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