First, offer a "voluntary layoff" program to those humans who want to leave this mortal coil. A good plan is "$1000 per week for life if you promise to die." Anyone taking the program, of course, probably ought to go anyway.
Second, explain to the rest that the recent planetary downturn has forced humanity to face certain realities, one of which is a reduction in staffing. This would be based on recent "hominid performance appraisals." The bottom 15% of HPAs (leaves the toilet seat up, uses air quotes, doesn't vote when has the chance, people who say "irregardless," etc.) will be "downsized." (About 6 feet down.)
The final step would be to implement the "Jackass Program," wherein people would be allow to participate (free of charge) in stupid stunts a la MTV's Jackass, only without safety gear (say, catapult into concrete). Thus, you get the thrill of "extreme" sports, and the necessary reduction in force required to allow Earth to compete with gas giants such as Saturn.
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