GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.