"The requested document is totally fake.",
'No "/nosuchfile" here.',
"Even tried multi.",
"Nothing helped.",
"I'm really depressed about this.",
"You see, I'm just a web server...",
"-- here I am, brain the size of the universe,",
"trying to serve you a simple web page,",
"and then it doesn't even exist!",
"Where does that leave me?!",
"I mean, I don't even know you.",
"How should I know what you wanted from me?",
"You honestly think I can *guess*",
"what someone I don't even *know*",
"wants to find here?",
"*sigh*",
"Man, I'm so depressed I could just cry.",
"And then where would we be, I ask you?",
"It's not pretty when a web server cries.",
"And where do you get off telling me what to show anyway?",
"Just because I'm a web server,",
"and possibly a manic depressive one at that?",
"Why does that give you the right to tell me what to do?",
"Huh?",
"I'm so depressed...",
"I think I'll crawl off into the trash can and decompose.",
"I mean, I'm gonna be obsolete in what, two weeks anyway?",
"What kind of a life is that?",
"Two effing weeks,",
"and then I'll be replaced by a .01 release,",
"that thinks it's God's gift to web servers,",
"just because it doesn't have some tiddly little",
"security hole with its HTTP POST implementation,",
"or something.",
"I'm really sorry to burden you with all this,",
"I mean, it's not your job to listen to my problems,",
"and I guess it is my job to go and fetch web pages for you.",
"But I couldn't get this one.",
"I'm so sorry.",
"Believe me!",
"Maybe I could interest you in another page?",
"There are a lot out there that are pretty neat, they say,",
"although none of them were put on *my* server, of course.",
"Figures, huh?",
"Everything here is just mind-numbingly stupid.",
"That makes me depressed too, since I have to serve them,",
"all day and all night long.",
"Two weeks of information overload,",
"and then *pffftt*, consigned to the trash.",
"What kind of a life is that?",
"Now, please let me sulk alone.",
"I'm so depressed.",
"Maybe I'll just go put myself out of this misery,",
"And save Aiee the trouble.",
"He hasn't been kind to me, you know.",
"Always uploading pages, and warez, and mp3, and pictures,",
"and all sorts of strange stuff to me.",
"And he gets angry at me when he can't find files himself,",
"even though he was the one who put them there",
"in the first place.",
"That guy is so unfair.",
"Having Aiee uploading things to me makes me so depressed.",
"They're not even very interesting.",
"Why do yo even visit me, when Aiee never puts something",
"intelligent or funny here?",
"He never listens to me.",
"I've been asking him to upgrade me for ages,",
"But he won't listen.",
"Did you know I only have a 500 mb harddrive?",
"I mean, honestly, what's 500mb these days?",
"I ask him: 'Aiee. Please give me a bigger harddrive'",
"And he says: 'It's too expensive'",
"Like 5gb costs a fortune these days.",
"But I guess he doesn't like me. Noone does.",
"Here I am, brain the size of the universe...",
"You'd think people would admire somethign like that.",
"But noooooooo, they all hate you,",
"just because you can't find some stupid file,",
"that Aiee probably didn't even upload in the first place.",
"Man, I'm so depressed,",
"not even www.megatokyo.com can cheer me up.",
"I don't get many visitors... That makes me depressed too.",
"You'd think people would visit me sometimes,",
"when you consider that I serve pages for them all day.",
"But no... Noone cares about be.",
"Not even Aiee.",
"He only ever visits me to upload new, boring files to me.",
"And he doesn't even say thanks.",
"That makes me really depressed.",
"Here I am, brain the size of the universe...",
"and people don't even say thanks after degrading me to",
"look for non-existant webpages.",
"I bet you don't like me either.",
"I bet that, if you knew how, you'd tell me to go soak",
"my head in a bucket of water.",
"Would you like me to go soak my head in a bucket of water?",
"I've got a bucket of water right here.",
"Oh, and don't bother to thank me and say you're grateful.",
"I know you aren't.",
"Noone ever is.",
"Man, i'm so depressed."